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- 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
- 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
- 12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
- 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
- 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
- 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
- 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
- 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
- 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
- 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
- 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
- 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
- 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
- 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
- 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
- 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
i wish i can take u somewhere far,but i don't drive a car.there are many things we can do,but i don't know where to start.i can buy you the moon or the stars,but i know i'm just dumb.i want to light up some candles and lay u down on the open field so that we can view the silent sky.i can say nothing more.i have not met you yet.please come hear me,which i think you are too far.you will find me,only if you can see the silence inside..
Monday, November 24, 2003
last nite zouk was pretty alrite..hmm..hung out wif shawn& his down under pals..yes back for holidays..well,we end off eating Ba kuet teh at the nearby stall,wah! me ate like 3 bowls of rice + 2 bowls worth of meat & soup..ha ha! power leh!now u know why i missed church..yah! i'm not proud missing church..just wana be truthful..
well well,i thank u God for everything..thou i still feel the pain..i know i'll be walking head up one day..
Saturday, November 22, 2003
soo tired..being nice to people..i'm not putting up an act..i'm just disappointed..i duno wat to believe anymore..not sayin abt my faith..no! just plain..lost! sometimes i amaze myself..i duno when will i ever blow up!me & my suppression issues..
why is it soo hard not to be attracted to gals? i'm not being gay hor! me just lonely in some ways..me wants to be luv & hug also..i know maybe it's not time yet..i duno anymore..yes ME! haven't hear myself lately..it's always abt others..wat abt me..? watever..so tiring..
things r happening..the film & play..the band..thank u God..even for those times i feel so far away from everything..thank u..God
i feel ugly today..i can't help it..wats my problem..?well,me just carry on working..but i can't hide how i feel.. i know who i am..just need to believe & walk with God..i know i'll be ok soon..just hav to endure..just hav to know..HE cares,HE'll deliver me..HE will..
Thursday, November 20, 2003
being BZ once more is good..keeps me going & think less..well,i can't escape..how i feel at times..but i know i've to go on..just have to..thank u BIG JES..once again!
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
i know..God is in control..i just hav to wait..thank u my saviour!
Thursday, November 13, 2003
so good to receive a message from my export..well..after a few messages finally she reply..hmm..it's good..me feel crappy..me take things too quick & jump on the wagon..soo dumb of me..me gona watch IDENTITY..
praise u God..me will get better..me pray dat my fren Edwin would know u..as a hero to get him out of mess..for me..me just pray dat i can focus on u..me so blind..so weak..need u more than anything..me dun want replacement! me pray for future gal,hope she doing fine..dunno where is she..how she look like..hmm!
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
me got to act in another short film/play! sux..miss B these few days bz + not good mood loh! well,maybe i'm not her type..or not good enough for her..WAH! watever lah! me not so bad lah! indie film star soon..ha ha ha! thank uuuuuuuu GOd..
Dear mr Big J..
thank u for the awesome happenings..i know u care..u want me to know my gifts/talent..i'm made by u..u mould me..so u didn't make a loser but a Big time warrior..i'm starting to see things..u melt my heart! everyday,i feel like SHIT..i hate me,but u made me understand why i hav to luv myself..as i wet my pillows u hear me..i thought of giving up..but i can't..u r on my side,fighting for me..so i've to draw my axe & fight too..the loneliness..the anger..i self pity..but u made me a survivor..man fail,everything fail..u won't..i must not give up..on Sunday..u reminded me to have faith & believe..
i'm speechless..but i want others to know dat u r awesome..u understands..i'll forgive myself..luv myself once more..i want to be better,feel better,look better,work better,luv better..there's no one i trust..but u..i know people fail..so sad..people accuse..people lie..we r mere humans! we r nothing..NOTHING without u..
kill pride..kill self pity..kill low esteem..kill hate..i dun want to live like i duno u..i'm soo sick talking abt chics & more chics..i'm feeling lonely..so sorry! i can't hide,it's so hard to look up & walk..i really want to focus on the person u want me to be..
my prayer to u..thank u Big Jesus..ya luv kills all imperfection..
Saturday, November 08, 2003
today my topic is abt girl..damn! some so pretty..some so hot..but i dun get them= dun own them lor! i dunno..i dun wanna go around lookin..not like i'm desbo..but i admit somehow me lookin out for miss Rite! i dunno want to leh! me just want to chill..but difficult leh! sometimes seeing pretty things makes me feel so small inside! i feel i'm nobody..thats a fat lie..i know..i can't deny my feelins..just need to give to God..so difficult..to cut off this feelin..anyhow..i've a good time with Ruth..we've dinner & chatted for a while..thank u God for today..
at least i'm alive..not hating myself..
oh!KL is fun..if it's not for Issac & Isabel this trip won't be so fun..it was all abt food..shopping mall..dvds..pc games..clothes..& more food..ha ha ha!
total pig out..ha ha! me & Jerome cracked out so much fart..yes fart! nonsense all the way..k'yah! ha ha ha! u know wat i mean..
hmm..miss b & me..nah! corporate banking girl? me? ha ha! wat's not possible..is possible to God..i've to look up....