i wish i can take u somewhere far,but i don't drive a car.there are many things we can do,but i don't know where to start.i can buy you the moon or the stars,but i know i'm just dumb.i want to light up some candles and lay u down on the open field so that we can view the silent sky.i can say nothing more.i have not met you yet.please come hear me,which i think you are too far.you will find me,only if you can see the silence inside..

Monday, November 24, 2003

jammin was awesome today..me missed church..hmm..but had a great sleep..this coming month is gona be crazy..filming acting..gigs..but it's gona be soo fun..wat an experince? me just gona chill today..

last nite zouk was pretty alrite..hmm..hung out wif shawn& his down under pals..yes back for holidays..well,we end off eating Ba kuet teh at the nearby stall,wah! me ate like 3 bowls of rice + 2 bowls worth of meat & soup..ha ha! power leh!now u know why i missed church..yah! i'm not proud missing church..just wana be truthful..

well well,i thank u God for everything..thou i still feel the pain..i know i'll be walking head up one day..

Saturday, November 22, 2003

ha ha ha! at edwin's place again..yeah! my long lost friend back in 96..anyhow it's good to hangout with this dude..so crappy & lame..nonsense sial! like me lor!

soo tired..being nice to people..i'm not putting up an act..i'm just disappointed..i duno wat to believe anymore..not sayin abt my faith..no! just plain..lost! sometimes i amaze myself..i duno when will i ever blow up!me & my suppression issues..

why is it soo hard not to be attracted to gals? i'm not being gay hor! me just lonely in some ways..me wants to be luv & hug also..i know maybe it's not time yet..i duno anymore..yes ME! haven't hear myself lately..it's always abt others..wat abt me..? watever..so tiring..

things r happening..the film & play..the band..thank u God..even for those times i feel so far away from everything..thank u..God

i feel ugly today..i can't help it..wats my problem..?well,me just carry on working..but i can't hide how i feel.. i know who i am..just need to believe & walk with God..i know i'll be ok soon..just hav to endure..just hav to know..HE cares,HE'll deliver me..HE will..

Thursday, November 20, 2003

crashed over an old friend's place lastnite..wah! busy lor! 1 short film& 1 play..hmm..pretty rock rite!..happy man! thank u God! the band is doing well..i think it's good to see things moving..i know i just need to be faithful in wat i do..keeping it real wth God! well..that = being ya self in HIM..those conversations i had with HIM really paid off..thank u! hmm..gona sleep lor! oh! me called Yoshii on tuesday..good to know he's doing good..hmm..me wana go Japan..too bad didn't get to hear Yumi..*hong is strong* ha ha ha!..

being BZ once more is good..keeps me going & think less..well,i can't escape..how i feel at times..but i know i've to go on..just have to..thank u BIG JES..once again!

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

so tired ..trying so hard not to get mad at things..being kool & all..i wanna be mr nice gut..but it's so sooooooooo difficult..situations really makes me wanna fire out everything.. broke down in church during service..wah! so good to let it out..it's such an ugly sight to c someone whom u luv turn out to be this way....it's over..now i suffer..i wish i can let her into my mind..feel every inch of my pain..my thoughts,my disappointments..i'm broke..a broken account..feel so afraid of being nice & used..

i know..God is in control..i just hav to wait..thank u my saviour!

Thursday, November 13, 2003

hhmm..thank God me met up with an old friend..we like known each other for a while..but never contacted sial!we told part in the alternative jam 96..anyhow..so fated ..God really know when to put people together..he going thro some stuff..so me help him up with the his GF problem..wah! it was great..so glad me got useful..ha ha ha!

so good to receive a message from my export..well..after a few messages finally she reply..hmm..it's good..me feel crappy..me take things too quick & jump on the wagon..soo dumb of me..me gona watch IDENTITY..

praise u God..me will get better..me pray dat my fren Edwin would know u..as a hero to get him out of mess..for me..me just pray dat i can focus on u..me so blind..so weak..need u more than anything..me dun want replacement! me pray for future gal,hope she doing fine..dunno where is she..how she look like..hmm!

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

JAMMIN was a blast! me use my Japan axe..wah! sounded huge & edgy..thank GOd for such a great time & a wonderful relationship with the band! yes! JERome the screamer,daren the stix boy..JOn H. the basser! i hear u guys..Sorry made so much mistakes..too happy to receive YUmi's testimonial on friendster..ha ha ha ha ha!


me got to act in another short film/play! sux..miss B these few days bz + not good mood loh! well,maybe i'm not her type..or not good enough for her..WAH! watever lah! me not so bad lah! indie film star soon..ha ha ha! thank uuuuuuuu GOd..

Dear mr Big J..
thank u for the awesome happenings..i know u care..u want me to know my gifts/talent..i'm made by u..u mould me..so u didn't make a loser but a Big time warrior..i'm starting to see things..u melt my heart! everyday,i feel like SHIT..i hate me,but u made me understand why i hav to luv myself..as i wet my pillows u hear me..i thought of giving up..but i can't..u r on my side,fighting for me..so i've to draw my axe & fight too..the loneliness..the anger..i self pity..but u made me a survivor..man fail,everything fail..u won't..i must not give up..on Sunday..u reminded me to have faith & believe..

i'm speechless..but i want others to know dat u r awesome..u understands..i'll forgive myself..luv myself once more..i want to be better,feel better,look better,work better,luv better..there's no one i trust..but u..i know people fail..so sad..people accuse..people lie..we r mere humans! we r nothing..NOTHING without u..

kill pride..kill self pity..kill low esteem..kill hate..i dun want to live like i duno u..i'm soo sick talking abt chics & more chics..i'm feeling lonely..so sorry! i can't hide,it's so hard to look up & walk..i really want to focus on the person u want me to be..

my prayer to u..thank u Big Jesus..ya luv kills all imperfection..

Saturday, November 08, 2003

well,today is pretty kool..me got involve in some short film thingy..so went down for rehearsing..wah! fun sial..meet this beng called Hao..& the lead actress Cindy..woo! she so hot sial..killa man..! me & Hao r suppose to disturb this girl..u know typical beng lor..our scene is only a couple of mins..hmm..indie star loh!..wah! my role small sial..hopefully can do more leh!

today my topic is abt girl..damn! some so pretty..some so hot..but i dun get them= dun own them lor! i dunno..i dun wanna go around lookin..not like i'm desbo..but i admit somehow me lookin out for miss Rite! i dunno want to leh! me just want to chill..but difficult leh! sometimes seeing pretty things makes me feel so small inside! i feel i'm nobody..thats a fat lie..i know..i can't deny my feelins..just need to give to God..so difficult..to cut off this feelin..anyhow..i've a good time with Ruth..we've dinner & chatted for a while..thank u God for today..

at least i'm alive..not hating myself..

oh!KL is fun..if it's not for Issac & Isabel this trip won't be so fun..it was all abt food..shopping mall..dvds..pc games..clothes..& more food..ha ha ha!

total pig out..ha ha! me & Jerome cracked out so much fart..yes fart! nonsense all the way..k'yah! ha ha ha! u know wat i mean..

hmm..miss b & me..nah! corporate banking girl? me? ha ha! wat's not possible..is possible to God..i've to look up....

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

i'm back..miss KL..well..me gonna crash..got tummy upset..nite!

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